Dealing with Past Lives

            Lately, I’ve had contact with lots of people from my “past” lives. All of us have pasts, but “past-ors” are unique. Every move we make, we leave behind an encapsulated life of its own. For us, it’s not just leaving a job; it’s leaving family and friends, victories and defeats, secrets, struggles, sorrows, couples we married and sadly, some we buried. With each move it starts all over again, but if we’re honest, really nakedly truthful, pastors never get over their past.

            It’s funny, because again, if we’re honest, sometimes when we leave a place, we can’t wait to leave. Sometimes the hurts and wounds have piled up and created such a mountain of sadness that someplace else…any place else, seems like a God-send. And for a while, we’re relieved, we are “better.” But then, six months or a year later, someone from that past life calls out. Maybe they post on Facebook® or send a card. Or maybe they call and say they’re passing through your “not-so-new-anymore” place and would like to stop and see you. And then they say it…the phrase that rips you in two and shoves a knife into your chest all at the same time. They say it, or write it or post it… “We miss you pastor.”

            It’s a heart attack of a different kind. Your heart aches, you feel yourself bleeding from the inside-out. You miss them too…no really, you long to be with them again, to pastor them like you used to, but you dare not express it, you can’t say it, especially in public, because you would feel unfaithful to your new flock if you ever spoke those words and so you don’t…but you know inside that it’s true…you’ll never get over your past.

            I have several “pasts.” Some are over forty years old now. The weird thing is, pasts are like fine wine…they get better with age. They don’t fade or die…they linger on. The circumstances that made you leave…or run…or hide, those things fade. Sometimes you can’t even remember why. But the friends, the laughter, the hugs and happy tears…they only get stronger with time.

            And so I have lots to remember and be thankful for…because lately I’ve been hearing it a lot… “We miss you pastor.” And since the past is like a good wine, allow me to make a toast…to Stanley and Max, Frank and Bugs, Carol and Bobby, Tim and Rose, Jeff, Sherry and Karen and Brother Lloyd. To Bob and Ollie, Toni and Betsy, Dean and Loren and Kelly and Jerry. To Carol and Sue, Hagen and Josh, Dana and Jeff. To Mark, James, Wesley, Daniel, Blind Mike, and hundreds of others along the way…Cheers! You are not forgotten and I miss you too!